It runs in the family.

Let’s give a big round of applause for our guest blogger, and my cynical sister, Drea. [thunderous applause] From Drea:

Chuy took me to go hunt out some fish stores in san francisco. I went to some shady asian place and discovered a really wierd species of puffer fish. The little guy cost like $50. lol. That’s alot for a freshwater/brackish water puffer. I can barely find any information out there about this species. Nor is it known how to breed them in captivity… meaning this fish came straight from the mekong river out in like china. he’s super mean and will only eat live food. and swallows crabs and fish. His eyes in the dark are this deep red with sharp black pupils but in the light they are golden and hazed. he’s actually pretty ugly. he’s all brown with a pale yellow belly. his name is Turd since he looks like one. but he gets all happy when he sees me and i can pet his little head like a dog or pat him and hold him in my hand underwater. he likes his belly rubbed lol.

So last night I went to go buy my puffer some tasty morsels (crabs). I’ve been getting them from Petsmart for like the past 9 friggin months. So I go in there and I walk up to the fish aisle (like how I’ve ALWAYS DONE) and ask a girl who’s covering it. Here’s the convo:

Petsmart’s response:

• Hi, I’d like to get some crabs. Either the fiddler or red-claw. And a few feeder fish please.
• Have you ever owned crabs?
• No this is for my fish.
• Well I can’t sell them to you.
• WHAT?!! (chuy turns around and walks away as fast as he can because he knows it’s about to get ugly, lol)
• Petsmart is a pet friendly store.
• WHAT?!!
• Ya, Nikko sold them to you last time and I told him that he can’t do that because we are pet friendly. The animals we sell here are for pets only.
• OMG. ARE YOU SERIOUS?! BUT THEY ARE PART OF A NORMAL DIET FOR MANY KINDS OF FISH!!
• Yes, we have had to turn down people who want to buy gerbils to feed their snakes.
• And what’s wrong with that? That’s NATURAL.
• Yes, but we are pet friendly.
• OMG. you guys feed your lizards here crickets right?
• Yes, but they are bred to be fed. The same with feeder fish.
• YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING. I mean you know how the animal kingdom works right?
• Yes but this is PetSmart’s policy.
• Well that’s the stupidest fucking thing I have EVER heard coming from a pet store who is supposed to supply a wholesome diet to all animals. I mean, it’s like you guys don’t even acknowledge the natural
  hierarchy of the food chain. That’s just ridiculous. Your policy discriminates against a natural lifestyle of many living creatures. WHAT IS THAT ABOUT? You are joking right? I mean really joking right?
• I’m sorry but that is Petsmart’s philosophy of being pet-friendly. Our animals are for pets.
• Yes and some animals are food for others. Ugh, right but you sell feeder fish. Omg. This is so stupid.
• Again they are bred to be fed.
• And some people buy them as pets. I mean omg i cannot believe we are debating this. So what’s the difference between a domestic crab and a let’s say a CRAB.
• Petsmart is pet-friendly that’s what we are founded on.
• OMFG.
• Well I can give you some feeder fish.
• Ugh no thanks. (Drop basket and leave PISSED).

This deserves a letter to the higher-ups.

And here is there response. At least it’s not an auto-reply…

Let’s break this down: “Unfortunately we do not sell the live crabs for food, due to the fact that we sell them as pets.” WHAT THE FUCK IS THE DIFFERENCE?! OMG O M FUCKING G WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE! CAN SOMEONE PLEASE PUNCH HIM IN THE HEAD?!

“For our snakes at the stores that carry them the snakes eat frozen mice that are thawed out, because we feel that it is the humane way.” HUMANE? OMFG HUMANE? DID HE ACTUALLY JUST WRITE THIS? PLEASE DEAR GOD SOMEONE FORCE HIM TO WATCH ANIMAL PLANET! WHAT THE FUCK! PICK UP A FUCKING BIOLOGY BOOK AHOLE AND READ UP ON THE NATURAL WORLD YOU PIECE OF SHIT. NEXT THING YOU KNOW THEY ARE GOING TO CONVERT ALL THEIR FUCKING ANIMALS INTO VEGETARIANS. I SWEAR. OMG OMG OMG OMFG!

Thanks for stopping by Drea! It’s nice to know that I’m not the only one who hates everyone else. I’ll try to avoid any jokes about how you can’t seem to get crabs. Well, any further jokes, I guess.

My only real comment about this whole situation is this: If my fish only ate LIVE CRABS, I wouldn’t be sticking my hand in the tank and rubbing his belly.