Of AT&T and Little Drama

My phone bill was slightly higher this month. I dive into the details and discover a $1.99 charge for “Directory Assistance”. Hm. I haven’t used 411 in years. I have full internet access on my phone, so whenever I need the phone number for a place, I just go to their website.

I call Customer Service to see if they can give me more details. I go through the usual crazy phone tree (there has got to be a better way) and finally get to talk to a person. I ask him if he can elaborate more on this mysterious call — maybe what number I was connected to via 411? Of course all he can tell me is that it was a 411 charge. Bah.

• What do I do if I think this charge is bogus?
• I can go ahead and adjust that charge.
• That would be great, thanks.
• Just give me a minute. I need to make sure that is something I can actually do…ok. I’ve removed that charge. If it appears again, I don’t know what to do since we can only adjust one charge per account.

So apparently, I’ve blown my one account adjustment on a $1.99 fake 411 charge. Next they will stick me with a $50 March Madness fee and there is nothing they can do about it. “We already adjusted one charge on your account. Our hands are tied.” The future is dark.

But today’s story ends with a shining beacon of hope: AT&T tried to sucker an extra $2 out of me (because the usual iPhone bill isn’t enough of a screw) and I caught it, and they took it back. Score one for the customer!

RELATED: Here’s oldie, but a goodie. Verizon’s Dirty, Little, Secret Charges.

American Airlines is a model of efficiency.

I love flying. I love take-off. I love landing. I love watching the ground get further and further away. I love looking down over the mountains. Airlines, however, are a different story.

Today’s airline rant come courtesy of American Airlines. They may now join United on the list of “airlines I will avoid flying unless there is absolutely no other alternative.”

In November, I took a trip to Missouri on AA. On the way home, they oversold the flight* and asked for volunteers. “Who wants to hang out in the Dallas airport for an extra three hours? We’ll give you $300!” Deal, I’m in.

So they hand me the $300 voucher and tell me that I need to keep it because they do not accept copies, only the original. (That was the only instruction I received.)

A month goes by and I decide to book another flight to Missouri. (Actually, I’m flying into Arkansas and out of Kansas City, so I’m sure that will make things extra confusing later.)

I assume that I can go to aa.com, pick my flight, enter my voucher number, pay the difference in price, and I’m good to go. There should be no opportunity for chaos or hilarity.

Hmm…I can’t seem to find where to enter the voucher number. No instructions on the voucher itself. I guess I’ll call Customer Service.

[insert the usual phone tree nonsense here]

When I finally get to a person, he tells me I need to go to their website (!) and pick a flight. But do not BUY the ticket, just put the ticket on HOLD. Then call back (!!) and he will apply the voucher to my held ticket. Um…ok.

So I go back to aa.com and pick some flights and put them on HOLD. Then I call Customer Service back, again. This time he tells me I need to mail them the voucher. He can’t take any info over the phone. He gives me a PO Box number in Florida and instructs me to mail the voucher, as well as include the flight numbers and dates ON THE OUTSIDE OF THE ENVELOPE UNDER THE RETURN ADDRESS. What? Really? Fine, whatever. I drop the voucher in the mail 20 minutes later.

Weeks go by.

Since I haven’t heard anything from the airline after mailing them my voucher (which is probably how this thing was handled back in 1978), I call Customer Service.

[insert the usual phone tree nonsense here]

• We did not receive your voucher.
• What should I do?
• The voucher needs to be postmarked by Dec. 26.
• I already mailed it. Weeks ago.
• We did not receive it. Make sure it is postmarked by Dec. 26.
• Um…I don’t have it, because I ALREADY MAILED IT, on Dec 14. But I did make a photocopy.
• Ok, good. Take that to the airport and they can help you.
• They will tell me that they need the original, not a copy, and then they will tell me to call Customer Service.
• Why do you think that?
• Because that’s how this thing always works.**
• The person at the airport will help you.

So, I take an unnecessary trip to the airport. On Christmas Eve. Airports are basically a series of lines. A line to check-in. A line to check bags. A line get through security. A line to sit on the bench to put all your clothes back on after going through security. A line to get in line to get on the plane. A line to get off the plane. A line to get your bags. A line to get a taxi. I fucking hate airports.

After waiting in the Christmas Eve check-in line for 30 minutes, I get up to the counter. I tell the agent the whole story up to this point.

• …so now here I am with this photocopy and my reservation numbers.
• We can’t take a photocopy. It needs to be the original. You should try contacting Customer Service.
• [head collapses]

She calls the secret employee Customer Service number, where she gets to skip the phone tree and only gets transferred twice. Those airline employees get all the perks! After speaking with a supervisor, she tells me that everything should be ok. She has documented the entire incident on my reservation record, and I should call Customer Service 72 hours before my flight to have my ticket moved from “purchased” to “ticketed”. What? That doesn’t even make any sense. Why would someone what to “purchase” a ticket, but not actually have a “ticket”? I don’t understand. Whatever.

So that’s where we are at. Several phone calls, one PO Box, and a drive to the airport, and all I have to show for it is “call back three days before your flight…everything will be fine.” Riiiiight.

I’m not a UI designer (yes I am) but it seems like this entire thing could have been avoided by having a place on their purchase webpage with a field called “Enter your voucher number here”. No phone calls, no post office box, no wasting everybody’s time. Of course, if AA were to start listening and responding to user feedback, people would lose their jobs.

At first I thought this whole voucher system was just a way to make it difficult to redeem so people wouldn’t do it. (I’m looking at you, Mail-in Rebate!) Now I realize that even if you do go through the crazy steps to redeem it, they will find another way to make it *impossible* for them to hold up their end of the bargain. I got them out of a bind by taking a later flight, they make me jump through hoops and laugh at my expense. Good times.

I heard a rumor that American Airlines is going to expand their business plan:

1. Hire a team of highly qualified customer service agents to locate children’s lemonade stands.
2. Order a large glass of lemonade, not pay for it, and then punch the child in the face.
3. Complain to the government that they might go bankrupt due to their horrible business plan.
4. Receive bailout money.
5. Hire a team of highly qualified customer service agents to locate an animal shelter.
6. Rinse and repeat.

If you meant to press 2, press 1.

This seems about right.

I don’t know how to make it any clearer.

This isn’t me, but it’s exactly the kind of conversation I have with these type of people. His only mistake was not escalting up to the guy in charge right away. The best tip for dealing with “customer service” people is this: always escalate — the guy who first answers the phone knows nothing. (Except how to answer a phone.)

Some guy trying to cancel his AOL account:

It’s audio only, but there is a video of a blimp in case you need something to hold your attention.

What’s that smell?

What’s that smell? Did someone fart? Does it smell like teen spirit? Oh, no…it’s just my power cord on fire. Good times.

The cord for my MacBook Pro is as old as the computer…around two years. Wear and tear decided to take its toll today and melted the connector. I didn’t take a photo (I should have) but here’s the general feeling:

Since my battery only lasts about 10 minutes now, I had no choice but to suck it up, take the power cord down to the Apple store, and buy a new one for $90. Boo.

When I got to the store, the orange shirt attacked me and told me that I’d have to make an appointment at the Genius Bar…probably around a 25 minute wait. I have nothing else to do…I’ll wait.

5 minutes go by and they are ready to help. They really cannot tell time. The guy takes a look at my cord, tells me it’s covered under the extended warranty, gives me a new one, and I walk out of the store without giving them any money.

Win.

From the department of You’ve Got To Be Fucking Kidding Me

You may remember from my last post that I was expecting my new AT&T internet to be hooked up today. And by “expecting” I really mean “not really expecting.”

My appointment was between 8am and 10am, so at 10:01 I called AT&T to find out why nobody had showed up at my house…

• I see here you have an appointment today between 8 and 10.
• Yes.
• Let me call dispatch to find out what’s going on. [on hold forever] Thanks for holding. It looks like a manager was supposed to call you back last week?

Yes, remember from last time I was trying to get my phone and internet installation (plug the fuckers into the wall…not that tough) on the same day and “Mrs. Alexander” was supposed to call me back. Of course, she didn’t.

• Yes, someone was supposed to call me back, and of course, she didn’t.
• It looks like your order has been cancelled.
• Awesome.

She puts me on hold forever again to find out what happened. When she returns from her extended smoke break she tells me that the order has indeed been canceled and that she can’t reverse the cancelation, so she’ll have to replace the order.

• That’s fine, but my biggest concern was why the order got canceled in the first place. I mean, how do we know this won’t just happen again?
• It doesn’t say why it was canceled, but the system is pretty new and somebody may have clicked on something that might have canceled your order.

Now, I’m no UI designer (oh wait, I am a UI designer), but it seems to me that clicking the CANCEL ORDER button would be the cause of canceling the order. I’m sure that corporate giant AT&T would have the resources to have a custom UI designed and have rigorous training on any new system to ensure that employees would not randomly cancel orders.

Of course, it’s equally as possible that AT&T has a policy that if they promise to call you back, and then fail to do so, they will cancel your order without telling you. As a courtesy.

So she places a new order for me, and gives me a new installation date which is a week and a half from today. She can’t do it any sooner because next Monday is a holiday.*

It’s also worth noting that their appointment window is 2 hours, but they say installation can take between 4 and 6 hours…so I’m not too sure about the math there.

Will I have internet installed by next week? Will I have to call them back over and over to find out what the fuck is going on with my order again? Will I climb a clocktower and take care of business? Tune in next week to find out!

A “holiday” is when people take time off work. You know, like this morning when I took time off work to sit around and wait for AT&T to show up. I guess that makes today a “holiday” so it makes perfect sense that they didn’t come by.

AT&T runs as smooth as a root canal…performed by a carpenter.

There are two types of people who work at AT&T: those that know what they are talking about and those that wandered into a call center by accident and were given jobs. Unfortunately, the latter outnumbers the former by 3:1.

I’ve signed up for AT&T phone service as well as internet. Upon signup, they set up an installation date of Aug 27. Then two days later, their robot called and confirmed the installation date of the 20th. Um…ok.

Of course I have to call them to figure out what the hell is up and I get to talk to several morons who don’t really see the issue. Apparently, the guy who plugs in the phone and the guy who plugs in the modem are not the same guy. So they have two different schedules so I need to take two days off of work to so they can come to my house and plug stuff in.

One of the mental midgets I spoke with decided that she could transfer me to the “wmax departement” (?) to see if they could set up the appointments on the same day. After the transfer, some dude in wmax had no idea what I was talking about and kept telling me that it is a self-install kit and that my internet would be active until the changeover. Read that again. Does it make any sense at all? Nope. None. I have no idea. I eventually hung up on him.

Calling back (third time) I get to speak with the rare type of person: the one who has a clue. She confirms that there are two dates and that the phone guy can’t deal with modems and the internet guy doesn’t do phones. She thinks there might be some problem with my order, but can’t quite pin it down. She’ll ask Mrs. Alexander, her business manager, who will call me back by the end of the day.

Riiiight.

On a related note, why is it so frakkin’ difficult to find the phone number for the phone company?

UPDATE: At the end of the day, still no call from “Mrs. Alexander” (what is this, fourth grade?) so I call the direct number the agent gave me:

wtf.

UPDATE #2: It was a bit of an adventure (of course) but after two and a half hours, the phone guy finally had my phone plugged in. Still no word from Mrs. Alexander. Next week: internet hookup. I can’t wait.

I think I’ll go as Mrs. Alexander for Halloween this year.