My perfect vacation

Where is your perfect vacation spot? Do you like to relax, stare blankly at the sky, and have absolutely no responsibility? How does a beach in Mexico sound? Maybe you are more of a deck-of-a-cruise-ship kind of person? My perfect vacation is the Fry’s employee training facility, deep below the surface of the Earth. They clearly spend a lot of time doing nothing and filling their heads with empty. Just what the doctor ordered!

So I went to Fry’s today with three goals: 1) pick up a USB gaming headset and 2) pickup the cymbal expansion set for Rock Band 2 and 3) pay and exit.

Step 1: Gaming headset

I go to the computer area and ask the guy behind the desk “Where are the gaming headsets?” He ignores me for a few moments, then when I ask him again he asks his coworker, who in turn asks his coworker. The last guy was able to point me in the right direction.

When I get to the headset aisle I have to dig through the pile of headsets on the floor next to the shelf to find what I needed. Picture a typical Ross clothing department and you have the right visual.

Step 2: Cymbal expansion pack for Rock Band 2

I go over to the gaming area and find an employee who looks like he works in the gaming area.

• Do you have the cymbal expansion set for Rock Band 2?
• Rock Band 2?
• Yes. The cymbal expansion set.
• You want to buy just the drums?
• No. I already have the drums. I’m looking for the expansion set — there is a set of three cymbals which plug into the drums.
• So you need the game?
• [blank stare]
• Let me ask my supervisor.

So now we are with a supervisor.

• Do you have the cymbal expansion set for Rock Band 2?
• We have Rock Band 2.
• Yes. But I’m looking for the expansion set — a set of cymbals that attaches to the drums.
• Umm…
• It’s not the full game. It’s an accessory to the game.
• We have Rock Band 1. [points to a RB1 box]
• Ok.
• We have Rock Band 2. [points to a RB2 box]
• Yup.
• We have Rock Band 3. [points to a Guitar Hero World Tour box]
• ….Uh-huh. You have Rock Band 3 already?
• Yes. [point to Guitar Hero World Tour box again]
• Can we check on the computer to see if you have the accessory I’m looking for?
• Sure.

She looks it up on the computer and finds nothing. I guess they don’t have it. As a side note: does anybody think it’s at all ironic that Fry’s, an electronics and computer store, uses DOS as their main operating system?

Step 3: Pay and Exit

I hand her the checkout lady my credit card.

• Can I see some ID?
• Sure.

She processes the card, but the debit card thing isn’t working so she tells me she’ll run it as a credit card. Fine. Whatever.

• Can I see some ID?
• It’s the same ID I just showed you. It’s also the same card you just ran.
• I just need to see your ID.

Short term memory fail.

As a rule, I never let them search my bag on the way out, and my trick is to either avoid eye contact or pretend to talk on my cell phone as I pass them.* This time I decided to go the other way and established eye contact early and held it all the way out the door. It was strangely cathartic.

In the end, two out of three goals were accomplished. So I guess I’d call that a successful trip to Fry’s.

* I don’t really have a cell phone, so I talk into my wallet as if it were a cell phone. Seems to do the trick.

Shout it from the mountain tops!

A couple weeks have passed since I faxed Adobe my Letter of Destruction (so dramatic!) and everyday the FedEx truck comes to my building with nothing for me. No candy, no Red Rider BB gun, and no CS3 for Mac. I guess I’ll call Adobe and get a tracking number just to ease my mind.

I explain to the phone agent, again, that I’m trying to upgrade and crossgrade. I’ve already received CS3 for Windows, sent in my LoD and I’m just looking for a tracking number for the Mac version which was sent out two weeks ago.

As usual, he has no record of them sending out a Mac version. He says there is a note that my order needs “approval.” I tell him “I approve of you sending me the software.” He doesn’t laugh. “I need approval from my supervisor.” Uh…so go get it? He says it might have been agent error. (The loudest DUH ever.)

So when they told me two weeks ago that I had 48 hours to send in my LoD and then they would ship me the new version, what they really meant was that they would let it sit in the system for a few weeks until someone (me) called in to find out where the fuck my software is. Tell me again how this system isn’t broken?

So once again I give him the 24 digit serial number for my CS2, the 24 digit serial number for CS3, my order number, my customer ID, and pi to the 20th decimal place. He still needs me to give him my shipping address. At my office we use computers…at Adobe they must keep notes in the dirt with a stick.

After being on hold for 5-10 minutes, he comes back and tells me that the order has been placed. Next logical question: how do I get a tracking number? Answer: I have to call back tomorrow and they can “help me out”. Awesome. I’ll call tomorrow but it will probably result in my order being canceled or redirected to North Dakota.

The world is not a complicated place…but people sure do their best to make it so.